Part manifesto, part queer sex ed crash course — here’s what we’re all about.
What is Queer Sex Ed?
Queer sex ed is sex education made explicitly for the LGBTQIA+ community as well as sex ed that is queer in the political sense — sex ed that expands our capacity for pleasure, dismantles all notions of sexual purity, defies the fascist obsession with keeping us small, and reconnects us with our bodies and the earth.
Why Kiki For The Future?
I started Kiki for the Future several years ago after an abnormal pap smear. I didn’t know how much I didn’t know when it comes to sexual health. It’s inordinately difficult to find pleasure-centered, science-backed, inclusive sex ed for queer women, in part because this double marginalization means there’s limited research and visibility. Kiki For The Future is approachable, concise, shame-free sex ed for LGBTQIA+ adults at any level of sexual knowledge or experience. The name “Kiki for the Future” came from a creative friend and the vibe is “let’s have a kiki and spill a lil’ tea on who we’re fucking and how.”
This work came about during my first queer relationship and I have a particular interest in exploring the intersections of gender, race, ability, size, nationality, and more in my sex ed. My content centers Black people, trans people, and queer women and is made for ALL members of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you’ve come across this as a straight, cis person, I’m confident there is information interesting and relevant to you, too.
Queer Pleasure Principles
Aka, how we use language as a tool for liberation
Lesbian sex
- We use “lesbian sex” as an umbrella term for sex between two lesbians, two women, or two people who generally consider themselves sapphic
- While vulva/vagina to vulva/vagina sex is a major focus of this content because it is so neglected in mainstream sex ed, we will always explicitly include trans and gender non-conforming lesbians, dykes, women, and sapphics in our sex ed
- We acknowledge nuance, where “lesbian” is a distinct contemporary and historically significant term that means a LOT to many people, while also acknowledging that many bisexual, queer, pansexual, and otherwise polysexual people have shared experiences with lesbians
- We can all benefit from being in true community with one another, and everyone has something to learn and something to teach
Trans and Intersex Sex
- Every piece of content we publish is deliberately trans inclusive, always
- We also aim to create content that is specifically for transgender, non-binary, genderqueer, agender, and other non-normative identities
- We try to focus on body or experience-based language whenever appropriate, rather than assume all trans men or women have the same body parts, experiences of their gender, or types of sex. (e.g. we say “anyone with a cervix” instead of “women and AFAB people.)
- I am not trans and will not be engaging in in-group debates, such as “who gets to call themselves trans” or “this trans person did something bad and we should cancel them.” I do my best to distill the most useful and pertinent information without stepping out of my lane.
- Some intersex people are trans, some are not, and intersex traits are a very misunderstood and under-researched part of human sexual diversity
- Intersex kids don’t deserve to have gender binaries forced on them and we must fight to end medically unnecessary surgeries on minors
Gay Sex
- While we focus on the gaps in lesbian and trans sex ed, there are of course overlaps with those identities and people who call themselves “gay guys”
- Gay guys can include cis and trans gay men, people who like other guys and consider their gender to be “mostly guy,” transfems who have a special place in their hearts for gay maleness, and anyone who feels the term applies to them
- This is another reason we refer to experiences or body parts (eg: people with prostates) while also acknowledging distinct experiences of gay men, like the history of cruising, gay club culture, the specific type of violence gay men face, and the overwhelming devastation of the AIDs crisis
- At the end of the day, we will take the messiness of true human connection and inclusion over squabbles about identity and semantics.
Unlearning Shame and Stigma
- Shame is not useful unless it’s your kink (or you are a billionaire)
- We have a free queer pleasure workbook that we recommend everyone check out
- Asexuality is a spectrum, is a whole and distinct part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and asexuals need to be included in sex ed
- STI stigma is for the birds and is rooted in purity culture
- You don’t have to earn your pleasure — you deserve access and autonomy and can have pleasure if you’re fat, poor, disabled, out of work, chronically ill, undocumented, or the “wrong” kind queer
- There is no such thing as too much pleasure
- Most pleasure in life is not sexual (case in point: I am drinking a sweet corn houjicha latte as I write this and my GOD)
- “Guilty” pleasures aren’t real. Anything that is not harming you or others is worthwhile. If it harms* you, moderation is likely ok
- *Some things that technically harm you but cause pleasure are alcohol, tobacco, texting your ex, blue light, and white sugar
- While we don’t advise you to text your ex, we take a harm reductionist point of view and we think guilt as useless as shame when meaningfully changing behavior that is harmful
- Calling in vs. calling out whenever possible
- Unlearning shame makes way for you to own your shit, regulate your emotions, apologize when you’re wrong, and grow as a person
Other stuff that matters to us:
- Barriers and safer sex
- STI Testing
- PrEP/PEP and Doxy PEP
- Consent is a prerequisite for sex
- Communication and relationships
- Birth Control
- Emergency Contraceptives
- Abortion is a human right
- Disabled people fuck and must be included in sex ed
- Same for fat people
- Same for fat disabled people
- A free Palestine, Lebanon, and Iran
- The entire world unshackled from the greed of billionaires and our lust for extraction
- None of us are free until all of us are free
Sex ed is a tool for liberation. Anything that gets us into our bodies and in relationship with other people is liberatory. Fascists don’t want you to cum, so cum early and often.
In love and power,
Krista
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